So I'm not that strong of a Christian, my walk is pretty shaky at times.

I have trouble following most deep discussions,

especially if my mind is else where (which it usually is).

And if for some reason I am focused,

I have nothing to add, because it was already said

or the thoughts in my head are so jumbled

that nothing comes out clearly.

I try and fellowship with other Christians, like bible study and church,

but as soon as we venture away from the gospels or psalms

I'm lost again.

It wasn't till college that I started reading my bible daily

and I've learned a lot and can almost find every book

but I feel so far behind everyone else, like as if I missed something.

I hide it as much as I can from my peers,

but soon someone notices and out come the tap dancing shoes.

I'm tired of struggling with this, but I feel that if I turn

to anyone, in their eyes I will be lowered, looked down on

And God do I ever not want that, I have fought so hard

my whole life to be treated as an equal

it is a daily struggle, in particular with men and at work

to be treated like the rest of my co-workers.

I wish there was a way to like things like other Christians do,

like Christian music, outreach, talking about topics that don't apply to me but make

you "stronger in your faith".

I stopped wearing my cross necklace daily,

at first my excuse was that the chain was leaving a green

ring around my neck (this was true but not the entire reason),

then I went back to wearing one that was on a cloth string

but again was wearing it for the wrong reasons

and soon took it off, I just don't feel that I

should wear one because I don't feel

that I'm qualified to be a Christian example.

Don't look at me and follow my example, I'm not a good representation

of Christianity