So I'm not that strong of a Christian, my walk is pretty shaky at times.

I have trouble following most deep discussions,

especially if my mind is else where (which it usually is).

And if for some reason I am focused,

I have nothing to add, because it was already said

or the thoughts in my head are so jumbled

that nothing comes out clearly.

I try and fellowship with other Christians, like bible study and church,

but as soon as we venture away from the gospels or psalms

I'm lost again.

It wasn't till college that I started reading my bible daily

and I've learned a lot and can almost find every book

but I feel so far behind everyone else, like as if I missed something.

I hide it as much as I can from my peers,

but soon someone notices and out come the tap dancing shoes.

I'm tired of struggling with this, but I feel that if I turn

to anyone, in their eyes I will be lowered, looked down on

And God do I ever not want that, I have fought so hard

my whole life to be treated as an equal

it is a daily struggle, in particular with men and at work

to be treated like the rest of my co-workers.

I wish there was a way to like things like other Christians do,

like Christian music, outreach, talking about topics that don't apply to me but make

you "stronger in your faith".

I stopped wearing my cross necklace daily,

at first my excuse was that the chain was leaving a green

ring around my neck (this was true but not the entire reason),

then I went back to wearing one that was on a cloth string

but again was wearing it for the wrong reasons

and soon took it off, I just don't feel that I

should wear one because I don't feel

that I'm qualified to be a Christian example.

Don't look at me and follow my example, I'm not a good representation

of Christianity

Standing on the sidelines

Is it bad to be constantly worried about how a dear friend's marriage will turn out?

I almost hope that it will end in divorce or at the least a temporary separation, I've always believed that divorce is not the answer but if it is than there better be high extenuating circumstances (like continuing unfaithfulness or killer). I feel that, no I know that, it is only a matter of time before he cheats on her, and it will not be just once. I am also slightly less worried that he will abuse her, not physically mind you, it will all be a head game. He'll have her some mentally and emotionally broken, that only professionals will be able to fix.
I am very protective of the one's I love and will do almost anything for them (99% of them I would take a bullet for). So it kills me to see/hear her going through this situation and not be able to do anything about it. I don't like being on the sidelines and watching it all unfold before my eyes.
God I hope you hear my prayers and help to end this disaster before it gets any worst.