How can i help you say Goodbye

(I know songs have started my past few blogs, but songs often run through my head).

"How can I help you to say Goodbye? It's ok to hurt, and it's ok to cry. Come let me hold you and I will try. How can I help you to say goodbye?"

Last Sunday I lost a dear friend and a great man. His name was Morgan Sheppard, I often referred to him as Ever-ready. I called him this because one time on the police radio he called out Ever ready for E instead of Edward and the name kind of stuck. I met Morgan my freshman year of college, we were in SFA 101 together but we didn't really know each other very well. It wasn't till years later when we both started at UPD that we even realize who each other were. Once we started working at UPD, we began to realize the common circles we ran together but never had really met before. Everyday he would come into work with this charming smile on his face (that made me think heart breaker), ready and willing to do any task that was laid before him. God knows there are so many stories I could tell of the times we worked together and the laughs we all shared, but that would make for a very long blog so I will try to sum up to the best of my abilities the life I knew of Morgan J. Sheppard.

Any one who knew Morgan, had their lives changed by him, majority of the time for the better. He was the type of guy that no matter the issue or situation, if you needed him he would be there for you. Anyone who knew him knew that he wanted to be a police officer more than anything. I remember when he was going through the academy, daily he would have some new bit of information to share with me about the laws or other areas that he had learned about (I to aspire to be in law enforcement). He'd give me tips on what I should do if ever I was to encounter this situation or another. And with every one of these tips, there would be a fire in his eyes of pure excitement. He reminded me of a kid who just received a new toy fresh out of the plastic wrapper. In the time he spent with UPD, he was always looking for a way to better himself and to improve the way things were done from a traffic stand point. When we had down time on the job, he was often seen with some sort of tool fixing signs, repairing who-knows-what, painting stripes/curbs, etc. On the days when we all helped with simunition training, Ever-ready was always the one to volunteer for the harder or more physical situations. One of the first scenarios we ran together was the officers received a domestic disturbance call. Ever-ready and I were to yell at each other completely ignoring the cops until they stepped in to break us up. And yelling even to be heard through these helmets that we had to wear was no easy task let alone run the situation at least four or five times. But I would say Ever-ready played the part very well, I never did here the officers bang on the door or even enter the room once we started to yell at each other.

There were times when we would hang out after work or even on days off. Traffic has a tradition of after a long week, going out to the local Chinese restaurant ordering a couple of rounds of margaritas and sitting back shooting the bull with each other. This was a time when Morgan's true self would come out. He was no longer the rough tough exterior that was used for on the "job", his funny, kind, and gentler side would appear. Not to mention his flirty side too. I can recall several times all of us hanging out, it would be a bunch of couples then Morgan and I, the only single people in the group. Waiters would even assume we were together and ask if out bill was separate or together. But one of the memories that comes to mind first of Ever-ready off duty was a time when a few friends and I decided to got out to a local bar, we ended up at the local sports bar which is also connected to a club. We ended up meeting up with Morgan and crossing over to the club. He recommended a few drinks for all of us (in this he never steered me wrong, he always seemed to know the best things to order) but was paying particularly close attention to one of my friends (known here forth as K). Morgan had been texting me questions most of the night but my phone was in my purse so I wasn't getting them. Morgan leaned over and told me to check my phone. He was texting me questions about K, he wanted to know if she had a boyfriend, would it be ok with me if he asked her to dinner (this was who Morgan was, very much a gentleman and very courteous to his friends), etc. I'm not sure if they ever went to dinner but I do know he took her for a few rides on his bike.
These are just a few of the good memories I have of Ever-ready. I will truly miss him, his smile, his personality, all of it. I find myself even now when I see a motorcycle drive by looking to see if it is him. Even though I know that it can't be, in my heart I'm still hoping that it will be him. Even now it brings me to tears to think about him (and I'm not one who usually cries, in fact I hate to cry). Ever-ready, I know your up in heaven smiling down on us and watching over everyone. I hope you realize how much you were loved and just how many people cared about you. Miss you forever Ever-ready.

Does anybody hear her

"She is running, a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction. She is trying but the canyon's ever widening, in the depths of her cold heart. So she sets out on another misadventure just to find, she's another two years older and three more steps behind. Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see? Or does anybody even know she's going down today. Under the shadow of our steeple with all the lost and lonely people. Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me. Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?" -Casting Crowns

This song has been running through my head a lot lately. I think that is because it is how I have been feeling lately. I have felt "three steps behind" quite a bit lately. I feel that I'm never going to actually earn a living, that I'll be in this job for the rest of my life, that being single is what my status will always and forever be. My friends seem to have it all together; they are in relationships, not in a dead end job, are for the most part out from under their parents wing's completely. I don't feel this way all the time, mainly when I'm alone and have to much time to think. I'll phase out of this feeling again soon, I'm sure but until then "Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?"