Change

Oh Father, I feel great change coming on and I'm not sure I"ll be ready for it. I'm not sure what this feeling is, just that it is very strong.

Mom mentioned talking about my future (not sure what that's about yet), scarry thought. I know my parents wanted me to move all of my stuff out of the house, but where to put it?

This is not what scares me, that I will handle when the time comes.

I have a nagging feeling that I am on the edge looking over, maybe about to fall.

When/if I fall, will everything come crashing down again?

Not sure I will survive if that happens again.

Lord give me strength and help lead me through.

Getting through

I've grown to really disliking my job lately, I use to enjoy it because I got to be outside. Frankly I'm tired of be yelling and cursing at me for doing my job (after all it's not my fault you parked wrong, I was only doing what I'm paid to do). It feels like not a work day goes by when someone doesn't scream or argue with me. I still feel like I'm walking a fine line between getting fired and keeping my job. Every time I it seems I do something right (job wise), something happens were I get a disappointed look from my bosses. I know that doesn't seem like much, but in the police world it is, the higher ranks decide your fate. And I'm not just talking about keeping a job, I'm meaning time off, whether or not your out walking or driving all day, if you get over time assignments. etc. I even had a "good talking to" over going to the restroom and not calling it out on the radio. And Lord knows it has been really wearing me down, enough to were I've been thinking of just giving up. There are several times throughout my normal day were I just stop/sit down and ask myself why I should keep going.
But then in His perfect timing he sends me light at the end of the tunnel. Today I am in the info booth (and usually people stop by needing a visitor's permit but they are for the most part indifferent or rude like I am asking the world of them). I have had several people stop with smiles on there facing, being real upbeat and respectful to me, Me. I don't think I can describe how this made me feel. I was much more willing to help them and explain things more clearly to them. One gentleman in particular who was from Houston was very talkative and we had a nice little chat. I've always heard the saying you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, and this is a great example. Thank you Father for sending me these people and from keeping me from being discouraged.

If Tomorrow Never Comes

So a lot of things have struck me yesterday on just how short life is and how we never know when the end will come.

It's kind of ironic really because my brother and I had just skimmed the surface of this topic on Sunday. He was in one of his deep thoughts moods and we started talking about beliefs. I had said something about fearing God and he said why fear Him if He is suppose to be so caring and forgiving. I had said; fear Him because He has the power to end your life any time He feels like it. And that got us rolling on the fact that you never know when your time will come.

Then yesterday out of nowhere, I got word that one of my co-worker's daughter had a brain aneurysm and died, she was a young mother and a nurse. She was only one year older than I am. A year ago, a friend's husband died because a blood clot burst, he was 32.

There seems to be a bunch of this happening in my life lately (like God pointing things out to me), and it is caused me to re-examine my life and how I look at my future.

For starters, I'm going to try and live my life to the fullest, no more being down or serious (for the most part). I've always thought life was too short to be serious, and this only confirms it. There is a positive in every situation and I'm going to find it! And as far as the one's I love, I'm going to let them know it more often and more frequently. So for those that this applies to, be prepared and don't say I didn't warn you. ;-)

And on that note, I leave you with this part of a song that sums it up pretty well:

"If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her? Did I try in every way, to show her every day, that she's my only one. If my time on earth were through, and she must face this world without me. Is the love I gave her in the past, going to be enough to last, if tomorrow never comes."

What a Sunday!!

"I was drunk last night, dear Mother, I was drunk the night before. But if you'll forgive me, Mother, I'll never get drunk anymore" -Tootie from Meet Me in St. Louis

This is how I felt yesterday. I had gone out the night before with my brother and had fun, probably a bit to much fun for some people. My stomach was not happy most of Sunday, and I didn't get to eat as much of the big Easter lunch that my family usually has. But it was still a rather interesting day. After we all finished eating and my brother and I opened our Easter baskets (yes, we still get Easter baskets, my family doesn't seem to see we are grown ups, but I'll take the free candy any way), one of my great aunts decided she had an announcement to make. Now keep in mind that she is in her late eighties early nineties (so she's a little crazy and most of us don't pay much attention to her rantings). But we respected her and did all stop to listen to her announcement. She started saying she had received some letter from the government about the President being in danger then something about him going to be impeached, blah blah. We all started to tune her out, but for some reason this really riled my grandfather and he started yelling at her to shut up (they are brother & sister). My great aunt started yelling back, and soon they were in each others faces, she had cane raised and ready to swing. About then is when my grandmother got up and scolded my grandfather and told him to back off and leave his sister alone. There's no getting through to my great aunt, cause she can't hear you, which is why we all just ignore her. But who would have thought that right there in the middle of the family a fight would break out like that, No one in my family has ever acted that way. We were all stunned. But yeah, what started out as a normal Easter Sunday, got quiet interesting by the end of it.